The Journey
Posted: March 12, 2015 Filed under: Leadership | Tags: Robert Hastings, The Station 1 Comment
Things won are done, joy’s soul lies in the doing.—William Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida, I.ii.287
“The journey” is a common theme in literature. I distinctly recall reading the essay The Station by Robert Hastings some 30+ years ago in high school. This was my first exposure to the idea that there is more to life than where you’re going—how you get there matters, too.
I recently stumbled upon a chapter in the book The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom that further examines this subject. It discussed that human emotion tied to making progress toward a goal (the journey) has a much stronger effect than any short-lived contentment from goal achievement (the destination). The author makes a clear distinction between “gratification” and “delight.” Gratification may be thought of as deeper and longer lasting, gained from learning, feeling progress, self-motivated improvement and building strengths. This is from the journey. Delight is more like listening to a new song or eating a bowl of ice cream—short-lived or ephemeral. It’s that rush of pleasure when you arrive at a destination.
Gratification versus delight is a new twist on the importance of focusing on the journey. While delight may seem like a stronger emotion, unfortunately, it doesn’t last. By comparison, gratification stays with you and can nourish your soul. Learn how to put this insight into practice with How to Become Happier.
I Don’t Disagree
Posted: March 10, 2015 Filed under: Communication 3 Comments
I’ve been hearing this phrase a lot recently and I dislike it. But why? It’s a double negative and also strikes me as a bit of a cop out. It clearly doesn’t mean “I agree.” Rather, I think it only eliminates “I disagree” from a range of opinions. Alternatives left on the table include “I partially agree,” “I’m undecided,” “I partially disagree,” or any number of other variations.
What bothers me most is when an explanation doesn’t follow. This sentence cries out to be finished with another clause that begins “…but…” and ends with an explanation. Left as is, it effectively closes off the conversation. Instead, I would prefer to continue a dialogue that would reveal points of agreement and disagreement, eventually leading to consensus. It seems like the person saying “I don’t disagree” expects me to keep offering ideas until, by some stroke of luck, they finally agree or disagree. It feels like a tool of passive aggression.
Do you agree?
Weekly Download 15.4
Posted: March 5, 2015 Filed under: Leadership, Weekly Download | Tags: 80/20 Rule, emotional intelligence, Joseph Juran, Pareto Principle, Vilfredo Pareto 1 Comment
Here’s a recap of news and notes from around the Web that caught my attention over the past week or so.
How the 80/20 Rule Helps Us be More Effective. I always thought full credit for the concept of the 80/20 Rule (a.k.a. the Pareto Principle) was due to economist Vilfredo Pareto. Clearly, attribution must also be given to Joseph Juran, one of the key thought leaders in the Quality movement. “The vital few and trivial many” is a common way Juran referenced this principle.
How We Trick our Brains into Feeling Productive delves into the many ways we attempt to rationalize our decisions and actions. “Structured procrastination” is what my prioritized task list is all about. Forcing myself to do the most important item is the intent, but sometimes I substitute something that is further down the list. Now I know why.
The headline Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence is sure an attention-grabber. This topic has been around since the 1980s, but was popularized by Goleman’s book of this title in 1995. One section in the article that resonated with describes gaps that occur in the communications process between “Intent” (what the speaker means) and “Impact” (what the receiver hears). Here are a few examples:
What you say: “At the end of the day, it’s all about getting the work done.”
What others hear: “All I care about is the results and if some are offended along the way, so be it.”
What you say: “If I can understand it, anyone can.”
What others hear: “You’re not smart enough to get this.”
What you say: “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
What others hear: “I don’t really care how you feel.”
Recently I have been in conversations where I felt a very different impact than what I believe the speaker intended. Later, I mentally replayed the conversations to see if I could discover what was going on and why I felt that way. Now I have an explanation and can be mindful of this gap in the future. What are gaps are you creating?
ZMAB15 